July 09, 2009

I think if God were in human-form today, He would knock on my door, take me by my shoulders, look me in the eyes and say, "Stop." And then He would kiss me on the forehead, turn around and walk off.

And even though He hasn't physically done that, I feel like He has definitely done that over the past few months.

I tend to be a control-freak. And by tend to, I mean that I am. I like order, control, plans, organization, timelines, structure and itineraries. I am an event coordinator, after all, so I obviously get paid because I'm good at planning and making timelines. I can plan events and I thought I could plan my life, because how hard is it to plan the future? My motto has been "If I plan, it will come." And so far, everything I have planned has not come and everything I have not planned has stopped me dead in my tracks and come out of absolutely nowhere that I find myself looking up and saying, "What are You thinking?"

He's thinking that He has a plan... His plan. He created me, He gave me the free will to choose how I could live out my life, and then He marked my every day on His divine calendar that He has tediously blocked so that I can't link it up to my Microsoft Outlook calendar at work. That would be so much more convenient.

But I do know this much. He told us in Jeremiah 29, "I'll show up and take care of you as I promised...I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you; plans to give you the future you hope for." {Jeremiah 29: 10-12, The Message}

He's got it under control.

The book of Proverbs tells us two things: Many are the plans in a (wo)man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails (19:21) and in his heart a (wo)man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps (16:9).

The similarity? We plan, but He prevails. We can do whatever we want, but in the end, it's going to be His calendar that's used. I don't know what days are circled with a big red sharpie that screams, "This day will change your life!", but I do know there are a few on there and it's a little nice to be in suspense. Kind of like a surprise party for my life.

I've slowly (emphasis on the slow) learned the art of contentment over the past few months. I've learned that I can't always change the circumstances that I am in, but I can choose how I will react to them. I've learned that because I'm a control freak by nature, God is going to take advantage of that and sometimes rip the rug of stability right from under my feet. And it hurts. I whine. I complain. I question. I doubt. But in the end, it is so good. And I am able to look back and see what He was doing all along.

God knows the desires of our hearts. He knows what I ultimately want in my life. Truth is though, He could care less about my worldly timeline. You know, the one that all girls have: when we want to fall in love, get engaged, get married, change jobs, change careers, have kids, be done having kids, buy a house, move to a new state, retire. Yes, He wants to answer the desires of my heart, and He will, but He knows my heart better than I do. And He knows how I fit onto His timeline. His perfect timeline.

I just have to be okay with adjusting my schedule...and I think I'm getting there.
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  1. Well, the apple didn't fall far from this control freak tree (me). I was going to have 2 children by the time I was 30 then go back to school. Hahahaha. Then little Will happened. Oh, my. God's direct hit on me. Who knew I wanted to be a mom to 3 kids and stay home and raise them? God knew.

    You are learning way earlier than I did. Good student that you are.

    You can still be a good planner, but it helps to be flexible and consider that you may take a hit from God. (babies, love, floods, hurricanes,etc.)

  2. Speaking as a control freak planner myself you are so correct, but it is a hard lesson to learn.


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