I'm sorry.

July 23, 2012



I often have a very hard time mustering up the words, "I'm sorry."


The other night we were driving home from the grocery store. My husband had come along to help, which when I am used to doing it by myself each and every week, it requires a lot of patience on my end to let someone else in to help with the duty. But, I was tired and not feeling up to par, yet our fridge was empty and the week ahead needed dinners on the calendar. So, he offered to help and I instantly obliged. 

We had a disagreement in the toiletries aisle, items were thrown into the basket that were not on the list and we spent $30 more than I ever spend on our weekly grocery trip. It wasn't the most enjoyable experience. When we got into the car, I brought up the disagreement again just to make sure he understood where I was coming from. He did, but he didn't want it to be brought up again. And again.

And I kept at it.

And somewhere in that two-and-a-half mile trip back, I said things that were so beyond hurtful even my insides burned as I spoke. And I knew it was wrong to say, and I knew I didn't mean it, but I was so in that moment and I wasn't going to back down.

True to his nature, he acted as though nothing had been said or done to hurt him to the core. I tend to take advantage of his quickness to forgive, and I went about the evening minding my own business and carrying on surface conversations. 

When we got into bed that night, I laid there, repeating the words "I'm sorry" over and over in my head. They wouldn't come out of my lips. I eventually rolled over and got closer to him, willing myself to speak the words. 

It took a solid five minutes for me to say it. 

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," I said, swallowing my heinous pride. "I didn't really mean it."

Without a breath on his part, he said, "I forgive you." And I told him how I really felt, which was quite the opposite of what I had said hours prior.

It isn't because I am not sorry, because when I know I am in the wrong, I truly am sorry. But actually saying "I'm sorry" means admitting I was in the wrong, I'm not that loving of a person, I am ashamed and I am a sinner, through and throughThat is what makes it so hard. 

I am almost twenty-seven years into life and nearly two and a half years into marriage and I am still learning the basics.

What about you?


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8 comments:

  1. I love this post! It always so hard for me to reach past my pride and say "I'm sorry." My husband is so forgiving and so patient with me as well. It always takes me a long time to admit I was wrong. Thank the Lord for the grace of our God, who helps me finally come to the point where I say "I'm sorry".

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  2. forgiveness, I'm sorry, patience...it's all a journey, isn't it?

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  3. I've had that same argument, but now I look at it a different way. Instead of getting up in arms about an extra purchase that we don't normally do or a brand we don't normally buy, I say "thanks for coming, I like it when we get different stuff than usual." And I actually feel that way. Anddddd when we spend more than what I normally spend, he realizes how difficult it really is to stay under budget, lol!

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  4. Sometimes, I feel like we're the same person.

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  5. I love your perspective! I need to work on mine. :)

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  6. That is a great compliment.... so glad we can relate to one another!

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  7. So glad when you write things like this, I so need it! Glad you squeaked it out in the end; I've been the same and think I let it go too long- I've noticed the forgiveness and apologies aren't coming back my way quite as often anymore since I've been stingy with mine! Don't let it get to that point...I have a friend who always says "would you rather be right, or be happy?"; while I hear that, sometimes my answer is "what's the difference?!" :S so lame. But it's a constant dance figuring out where to stand your ground and where to give in..maybe the trick is to make sure you muster up the energy before you hit the disco each time, so you can honor the relationship by staying fully present to what you're really fighting for, and what you're giving up in the process. Anyway, you said it better. :) thanks

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  8. Thank you for your sweet words. I try to be honest because I know I'm not the only one out there!

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