Hi! My name is Abbey and I blog over at The Makings of a Mess about life’s ups and downs. I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend, blogging, reading, sweet tea, and spending too much time and money at my weakness of a store, Target.
What did my friends have that I didn’t? What made them stand out while I was still just one in a crowd of millions? I didn’t have any teaching experience, but neither did they. I was at an all time low once September had come around and the school year had already started. It was hard to be positive. About anything.
I ended up traveling back home for about a week. I was about to start drowning financially and all I could think about was how I would have to move back home if something didn’t come up soon. I wouldn’t be able to afford living in this area. I would have to be away from my boyfriend, the person who supported me the most and was going through unemployment at that point as well. But I needed some space from feeling suffocated around where I wanted to work, from my friends who had succeeded and had found their new-found love for teaching, and from the general negative vibe that was lingering.
After a week or so, I got two calls in one day about interviews for the following day. (I had still been emailing schools while I was home. I couldn’t give up that easily.) Of course I jumped on both of them and headed back to Northern Virginia that evening to gain another attempt at a job.
I didn’t end up getting either of those positions, but a few days later I was offered a first grade position at a school that I thought I had no chance at! I remember I was so tired during the interview; I felt like I repeated myself a lot and I completely lost my train of thought on one of the questions they asked. I started the following week setting up my classroom, meeting the first grade team and their classes. It was exhausting, overwhelming, but most of all, exciting.
I was finally getting to live out my dream of teaching! However, this ended up being the hardest first year of my life. A huge life change as well. I had the big girl job, but wasn’t happy with it. I had so many behavioral issues that I wasn’t ready to face. I didn’t know how to face. And I ended the year being unemployed. Again. Having to go through the same thing I did last summer. And here I sit. Emailing schools. Not getting interviews. Not getting offers. And it’s hard. It gets me down. What do I still not have? Am I supposed to be doing something else with my life?
Yes, I’ve got my Master’s degree, but what else can I do with it? What else can I do that would make me happy? I would love to continue teaching to see if it is what I want to do. I don’t want to give up after one year, but it is hard to do that when I am wanting to stay in the area and not branch out. It is hard when there are not many options in my county as I am only certified through 3rd grade and don‘t get responses from most of the people I email.
I guess you’re wondering…how did she actually embrace all of this change? This sounds so negative. It truly was one of the hardest years I’ve had in my adult life. The one thing I got out of it though was the most supportive group of people. I worked with the best coworkers a girl could ask for! They let me share how I was feeling. They wanted to help me in any way that they could. They gave me the encouraging words that others didn’t. Along with them was the one person who stuck by me the most, the best man in my life, Jason. He let me vent on end and when I would apologize, he wouldn’t take it. He told me that it was best to get it all out. It was okay to talk about it.
I’ve learned in the past year that things work out how they are supposed to. I’ve embraced staying positive, although this has been the hardest part at times. I've embraced that it’s okay not to know what I’m going to do for the rest of my life or the fact that it is totally up in the air and may change at any moment.
My calling could be for anything at this point and that is what I have embraced the most and have to accept. I am more than an interview and am more than a resume, a definition of “who I am” and “what I've done” on paper.