Pregnant emotions.

September 26, 2012

{an actual fortune I received in March}

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind as we wrap our head around the fact that we will have a live baby in our house in just about six months or so. It's mind-boggling.

As I see the growth from one ultrasound to another, and see the growth in my belly as it starts to stick out a bit (especially after dinner, of course), I am reminded of just how real all of this is. Because sometimes when there isn't much of a bump and I can't feel the baby yet and it's been a while since our last appointment, I have to remind myself this is all happening. But 95% of the time, I am consumed by the thought of this growing life inside me.

That's when I realize that mothering starts well before the birth day.

I have been consumed (in the best way) with thoughts of this baby. Every bite I eat, every sip I drink, every move I make, every plan I pencil in - it all revolves around the baby and not so much me. I have become very aware and responsible of what I've been given. It's depending on me, and I have a big job.

I'd be lying if I said it hasn't overwhelmed me at times, leaving my crying in the bedroom when I just was too tired to do the dishes and my emotions were heightened to new levels as the sobs were next to uncontrollable. I am reminded to just slow down and chill out. To ask for help when needed. To gently remind my husband to help out more than he already does. To admit to myself that I can't do everything.

And to be content with the fact that come six months from now, this baby will be here and I won't know all the answers.

This year in itself has been a roller coaster. Last year, I asked God to show me how to show grace to others, and He did so in teaching me how to show grace to myself. This year, I asked God to give me hope in a better year, and He did so by giving me a new job and a new life to carry.

I am humbled by His constant goodness and affirmation.

I am sometimes scared that I'm not prepared for it.

But I trust He has already prepared a way.

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1 comment:

  1. Life chapters. Just like getting married, the change is not instant, it evolves; you will not just be a "mother" the day the baby are becoming a mother. You will be high on a mountaintop the moment the baby is born. And then there will be times you are scared, so tired, so unsure. But always, always, you must turn to God...for praise, for strength, for comfort.
    I can remember one night in particular, you were about 2 weeks old and would not go to sleep....crying and fussing (you, not me...ha) and I just rocked you in the rocker with tears rolling down my eyes. You were fed, and your diaper was clean and I didn't know what else to do. I was soooo tired...and your father (who had to go to work the next day) was snoring in the next room while a little resentment was building up in me. You were crying to me...and I was crying to God. And I just rocked and rocked ...and suddenly, but not so suddenly, you were asleep and I know God got us through it.
    No one tells you how tough it will be...but they also cannot describe the joy and love that you are going to experience.
    You were the best baby and I know you will be the best mother. It's on the job training and you've always been a smart student.
    I. Can. Not. Wait! I will always be just a phone call and plane ride away for you. Love, Mama


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